How To Reduce Your Child's Meltdown Behaviors
Reflection Exercise
Think about your current situation, whether you work, take care of the kids today, or take classes.
What structures are currently in place that allow you to do what you need to do everyday.
Social supports
Policies, Procedures, rules, values
Feedback from others
Schedules, calendars
Now imagine if these things were just completely taken away and you had to just figure it out.
Think about the emotions and feelings you would be having
Lost
Frustrated
Angry
Mad
It's likely your body would go somewhat into fight or flight mode to just survive the day and other areas of your life may get neglected in the process.
We all cope in our own ways but maybe you would be
less cooperative
grumpy
Yell
Avoidant
Background
Why do kids have meltdowns?
Kids often have meltdowns because they feel overwhelmed , powerless, or unseen.
They don’t have the coping skills and structures in place to equip them to handle stressful situations when they happen. Even as adults, we are equipped with various tools and we still find ourselves losing our cool. So it's important to remain calm and have compassion.
Think of meltdowns as a sign to evaluate your child’s environmental demands or an opportunity to teach them functional coping skills which we will discuss more in the next episode
We can reduce meltdowns by making sure our kids feel safe, empowered, and seen.
How do we do this?
We do this by being consistent and intentional with our parenting and using:
Routines
Visual schedules, calendars and checklist
Visual timers or countdown.
Action Plan
The tools you will be using are routines, visual countdown, timers, checklist, schedules & calendars
Routines
Routines help preserve mental energy so we don’t have to plan and strategize what we need to do next and how we are going to do it.
Examples
Morning routines
Bedtime routines
Meal times & meal time expectations
At the table
Chores
Bedtime routine example
Take a shower
Brush your teeth
Go to bed
Read a bedtime story
It's safe and predictable.
The next thing for you to implement
Calendars/Schedules/Checklist
Calendars help kids plan for events that deter from the typical routine.
It's best to use a visual calendar for younger kids as it makes it easier to conceptualize what is expected.
Birthday parties
Grocery stores
Dr appointments
Family trips
restaurants
Collaborating and discussing things prior to the event it allows your child to mentally and emotionally prepare for the change.
It may be beneficial to use social stories so your child has an idea of what to expect. Depending on your child’s needs it may be beneficial to discuss
Socially demands (how busy it is)
Sensory environment (noise, lighting, particular smells)
Time of day
Length of visit
Calendars also provide an opportunity for your child to negotiate and have a say day or week.
Remember: Make the calendar collaborative and give options when feasible
Such as willingness to change
Time of day
Where they are going
How long you may be there
Date of event
Example:
Jonny, we are going to eat at the Diner on Friday. Mom, dad, and your cousins will be there and we will be seated inside. It may be noisy and the lighting should be dim.
Make sure you bring your headphones in case it gets loud and we need to do our best to remain seated during dinner
Countdowns & Timers
Countdowns and Timers help make transitions less abrupt and go smoother.
Use your parenting instincts to determine a frequency that your child will best respond to.
Remember kid time and adult time often feel a lot different.
Here is an example.
Before playing the tablet, Let them know they can play on the tablet for 30 minutes.
Show them the timer and have them watch you set the timer.
As the time is going give reminders at 15 minutes 5 minutes and 1 minutes.
If they responded well, find a way to respond positively to the cooperation.
It’s important to give more of our energy to the behaviors we want to see modeled, because our
Thanks for following the rules, you did a great, you will get 30 minutes again after the park.
Recap:
Routines
Create routines to help preserve mental energy so we don’t have to plan and strategize what we need to do next and how we are going to do it.
Schedules and Calendars
Collaborate with your child to utilize a visual calendar to document upcoming activities out of the regular routines so your child has the opportunity to have a say and mentally and emotionally prepare for the event.
Countdowns & Timer
Use countdown and timers to make transitions less abrupt.
Episode 11 will discuss strategies on how to react to these behaviors when they do happen.
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